Vocationally things look like they are on a positive track. A month back or so I interviewed with a place that I have admired for years, and I have been officially offered a position at Onondaga Case Management. After some debate on start date, it was concluded that I will start Sept. 8th. Full time (It's been three years since I held a full time position...) Honestly I am a little nervous. Excited, but scared.
Its hard to start something new. It is even harder when you have the support of your family telling you quite honestly..you really do not have to work if you choose not to.
I know that the best choice is to work. I enjoy working I really do, and despite having all the time in the world right now to do whatever I want..Frankly I am BOARD! Are there things I could do? 1001 things.
If I had it my way I would TRAVEL all the time. Even as I sit here I think about going places, but that takes money, commitment and MOTIVATION. Which I realize right now I simply lack.I find myself caught between I cannot wait to start my new job to OMG I only have five weeks left before MY LAST SUMMER HOME.......EVER!
When I told Mark my concerns about returning to work, his response was I really don't want to go to work. I was surprised but thought maybe he's right...I have grown accustom to my long lazy days of spilling out of bed whenever. Wearing my pajama's til noon or even later if I like. Spending hours upon hours reading or lounging in the pool. Having the luxury to simply just go when I want, and finding myself upset when friends can not because they have to work.
I long for the structure that working gave me...but have become so engulfed by the spontaneity.
Despite this, the lack of structure has allowed me to become outright LAZY!!! This was suppose to be the year I took to discover myself....Somehow I feel more lost then when I started.
I have ALWAYS worked...and for the most part, under stress..time constraints, deadlines and juggling it all...I have usually been the most successful! I know I can balance my life goals with my work.
I was a single mother of two young children, working a full time job, attending graduate school, taking care of my own home, and working on myself physically/spiritually and mentally all at the same time...why is in NOW when I have only to work on myself is it when I am struggling??????
Sometimes a blessing is the curse...
Returning to work is what I need to do right now. I realize that the best place for me to be right now is in a career and planning for the days when. I still have another 8-10 years of Gavin in the home, and who knows when if ever Mark will retire. I would love to be able to take my family and go, but realize that it may be a while before we are able to do that. Mark was just promoted himself and he is one of those people who can't spend a day at home without loosing his mind. I know someday we will have the opportunity to travel in fact I have a California trip being planned as I type....this will be an expensive trip so perhaps it is best if I am working. At any rate...I am officially a career girl again....TTFN